Yeah, that photos a little scary, I know. But I'd just run 4 miles, training for a half-marathon in August.
And that was just 5 minutes ago. I'm still all sweaty and look a blotchy pink colour. I figured it would be good for me to share a bad photo, just to keep it real.
So a lot of things have me very weighed down mentally of late and I was in no mood to run. Thankfully Sam convinced me to go though.
We decided to do 4 miles and head towards Palisades Park, which looks out over Santa Monica Beach and the Santa Monica Pier. The first 2 miles are downhill, but then you have to come back - which of course means back up the hill.
Feeling noticeably flat I went very slowly on the downhill stretch, not really breaking a sweat, not feeling very enthused, not working hard - but I was doing it. I was moving.
When I turned around to come back up the hill I flicked a switch inside myself. I realised that just going slowly and not really trying as I was coming back up the hill was a bad idea, as coming up a hill is hard work regardless. I felt like if I went slow and didn't push then the long, slow haul would get the better of me. Instead I stepped my pace up to as hard as I could and pushed all the way back, 2 miles uphill.
I think I learnt (or re-learnt) something about myself - I'm much happier when I'm pushing myself and achieving something that I feel good about.
People have been telling me recently to be patient with my music career and stop trying so hard. I believe this is valid, like the hair and the tortoise I guess - it's not how fast you go but how consistent and persistent you are. When you're facing a big hill though I think there are times when you just have to push through it, hard as you can. Until it hurts. Until you have nothing left.
I think this is what works for me, and this is what I'm going to try harder to do.
There is one catch though - I knew I'd reach my goal in 2 more miles and I could rest, feeling satisfied that I'd finished the run. I don't really get these sorts of clear, measured goals with my music. Completing a song is a goal for example, but not with a finite "distance" unfortunately. But I'm sure I can work harder to create them, then give myself a rest when they're achieved. When your goal is close you can push harder, so I need to always have a clear short term goal for my writing so that I can keep pushing to that point of rest and satisfaction. That was what got this blog started in fact.
It's here that I should tell you I was being motivated by the Kate Bush track "Running Up That Hill", but in truth the track that came on my iPod that helped me push harder was "Let's Go" by Mardi Diaz, but that tune doesn't carry the same hipster appeal, does it. Still an apt title and a great song.
Time to take a shower and clean up...
