Endings are often beginnings...

I’m currently doing renovation work on the house I spent the first 13 years of my life in. Hence last Friday’s post regarding removing a wall - http://myfighttowrite.blogspot.com/2010/12/breaking-down-wall.html - and my general talk of doing “real work” at the moment.

Today I took down the back pergola (patio, verandah – I’m not sure what people in other countries call it) completely, every last bit deconstructed and piled up as firewood. It was constructed of treated wood posts and beams about 30 years ago when I had barely learned to walk. It’s stood there for all that time to finally be taken apart today, gone forever.

I do realise it’s just a pergola but I had many good times under and around that pergola as a child, playing in my backyard or having a barbeque outside with the family. I was also thinking as I removed some of the structural bolts, which had not moved in 30 years, about my Dad putting them in. All the hard work, money, time and hopes for the future that went into building that pergola. Now it’s no more. I can imagine for that reason it was hard for my Dad to make the decision to take it down, although he didn’t indicate so, probably because he knows it’s just a pergola. It's just a "thing".

So what’s my point in all this reflection and explanation?

I know for me I can easily get hung up on “things” and the past. I’ve kept a lot of things from my past that I know full well I should have thrown out long ago. There certainly are things I’m very glad I’ve kept and will likely never throw out. But many others I just kept because I didn’t want to let go of them.

But what am I holding onto?

And why am I holding onto it?

What do I gain from holding onto it?

One thing that is clear is that these things have relatively little relevance to today. The pergola did a great job for its 30 years, providing shade, a structure for things to grow on, a structure for young boys to jump up and hang off or try to do chin-ups on. Thank-you pergola – but 30 years later it’s time for it to come down and make way for a new era of pergola.

So the right thing for “now” is to take down the pergola. To keep it up just for sentimental reasons would not be beneficial, maybe even dangerous. So when we get our minds out of the past it can leave us free to make the best decision for today. To quote from “Closing Time” by Semisonic (a very relevant song to this subject) – “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” If you want a new beginning today you must be willing to let go of yesterday. What are you holding onto and why? Is it actually benefiting you to hold onto it or is it just holding you back – preventing you from making a positive decision and action for today and your future?

This stems to anything that’s in your past really. Not just material things. You may have had hopes for something. A relationship, a business, an idea? Maybe you bought something with a certain intention and now it sits somewhere gathering dust because you keep saying (annoyed with yourself) that you are going to use it eventually, in fact you must or you will continue to be annoyed with yourself. How about just throwing it away and find a more positive thing to focus on? A new goal or a new way to help you and others smile today.

There are many, many more examples I could quote but I’m just going to leave it with you to think about.

When you break things down to today then life, and the decisions that go into it every day, get a lot simpler. Try it sometime. I’m going to. Being New Year it's the perfect time to encourage new beginnings and let go of old baggage that's weighing you down.

All this is very relevant to the start of a new year. One year must end so another can begin. Have a think about what you want to be different in your life next New Year? Make whatever positive decisions you can today, and every day, and then take action on those decisions so these changes can begin to happen.

A little bit of progress is worth more than piles of good intention and no progress.

This is my favourite quote right now - "An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Remember this and I'm sure the coming year will bring many positive changes in your life.

Let’s consider today’s creativity this “article” about focusing on "now". This entry is about long enough…

Lyrically Challenged

Just four more days and I'll have my regular internet access back. Thank goodness...

I find it quite interesting how some days lyrics just flow and others they don't. Lyrics are the defining part of the process for me. They hold a lot of the meaning and interest in the song and I must admit I can be quite precious about them.

Writing this blog is helping me though. I'm getting much better at not analysing while I'm writing and just letting the words flow. And funnily, if I'm writing poetry I don't have this problem. I just write. For some reason songs are different. I feel like most of my poetry wouldn't work as songs. I think I also feel that songs have to connect and express in a different way to the poetry. Less "arty" I guess.

Whatever the reason it's different when I write songs and there has been many a time that I've slaved over lyrics, trying to find the best words to express what I'm feeling. But the most satisfying times - and this is usually what occurs when I actually finish a song to be honest - are when it just flows out, one line after the next and the melody and song sections just come naturally. This is basically how it happened with my songs last week. It's a great feeling when you have an inspired moment and it all just happens with minimal effort and frustration.

The last two days I've sat down to write I've had some decent musical ideas come to me. But I don't move forward from the initial idea until I have lyrics and a melody at least started so I can move the song where I feel it natural wants to go. So as a result I have some new ideas but no new songs. Maybe later in the week.

Have a listen. I hope you'll be hearing one or more of these ideas in a completed form soon.

I Gave My Love

Despite the social commitments of Christmas I have still been putting my time aside to write, although I haven't recorded anything new. I've been playing with a new keyboard I have and haven't gotten as far as actually recording any ideas. I will post something new in the way of a song or idea tomorrow.

The main problem I'm having is this same internet situation at the house I'm sitting. I can only get internet in the early hours of the morning and I've not wanted to continually stay up that late. So my blog entries have suffered and I apologise. Perth isn't abundant with cafés that have free Wi-Fi like most other western countries. Another reason why Perth is in the internet Stone Age.

My creativity is still going well though. Not that I expect another week where I write 3 songs. But you never know.

Right now I'm going to post a poem. This just came to my head suddenly and I liked the sound of it. I hope you do too. Among other meanings, I want to express that if you give things away they multiply.


I Gave My Love

I gave my love a rose
And she made from it a garden
Full of endless flowers
so sweet to the nose

I gave my love a tree
And she made from it a forest
Full of endless towers
As green as can be

I gave my love a tear
And she made from it a waterfall
Full of endless showers
Always flowing near

I gave my love my hand
And she simply held it in hers
Full and endless hours
And together we stand

My Christmas Wish

Christmas is here again and I hope you have had or are having a fantastic day.

Mine has been great. It’s just been a casual day hanging with family, mostly involving a lot of good conversation, good food, good presents and good table tennis. It was a scorching day here in Perth. It reached 41 degrees Celsius I believe. It’s funny to think how many people, including much of the UK and Europe have had quite the opposite with an extremely cold, white Christmas Day.

I won’t write much today. I think yesterday’s huge entry makes up for that, and I think people should have better things to do today.

I’m going to write a simple Christmas poem now, just to get into the spirit of things. I hope you enjoy it and I wish everyone the very best for the year ahead. May you find satisfaction and happiness every day along your journey through life. Thanks for reading.

My Christmas Wish 

Christmas means something different to each person I know

But I hope one thing that is true for all is that they show

Much love and care and thankfulness to each loved one they see

So happiness and peace spread round this world eternally

Merry Christmas everyone!

Breaking Down The Wall

I removed a section of brick wall today and I must say it was quite a philosophical experience. I'd never done it before and didn't realise just how easy it would be, or how exactly to go about it. I had images of grabbing a sledgehammer and smashing it up, but that turned out to be a very messy, ineffective and unnecessary option.

I simply took a small but weighty hammer and tapped at one brick until it finally broke loose. From there I continued along, gradually removing one brick at a time until the wall was removed completely, all the bricks neatly stacked aside.

I feel this process is an analogy for so many things in life.

As in my post "Steven The Beaver" - http://myfighttowrite.blogspot.com/2010/11/steven-beaver.html - it's a lesson that something that seems so impossible can be done if you just work at it a piece at a time, carefully and persistently, with the right tools and method.

It's also a lesson that rather than struggling to "climb over" life's obstacles, or simply be stopped in our tracks because of them, we can remove them if we are persistent and diligent, using our knowledge and skills to slowly piece them apart.

Another analogy is the power of teamwork. One brick alone is easily discarded, but when teamed together in an organised fashion they become a strong force capable of amazing things. Each individual brick has great worth and importance, as once one is removed the integrity of the structure is weakened considerably.

I often refer to brick walls in relationships and this is another very useful lesson. I've always vouched for being aware of the "little bricks" that can stack themselves progressively between you and your partner. If you are willing to be aware of them and deal with them as each brick shows up they're easily tossed aside. But once they've formed a wall not only can all communication and vision between you and your partner be lost but you will also have quite a task trying to remove the wall. But this analogy shows that even if you've let this wall come into existence it doesn't mean it can't be removed if you're willing to acquire the correct tools and slowly work at it, brick by brick, until it's gone.

Further to this, it's common to think a sledgehammer is the best way and just start beating the wall to bits, but this is a very messy and destructive process. The beauty of taking the wall apart brick by brick is that at the end you still have all the individual bricks in one piece, making them useful. In a similar way if we take a more intelligent, calculated approach, using the correct tools - more delicate tools - and deal with each separate issue rather than just "grabbing the sledgehammer" then at the end we are left with neat, usable remains - lessons about ourselves and our lives which we can apply to our future to help make better, more conscious, decisions.

So don't let brick walls get in your way, in any area of your life.


Breaking Down The Wall

I found a brick today, laying at my feet
Between my partner and myself, a cube so neat

So it didn't bother us too much, easy to ignore
But soon enough we noticed there were more

Slowly they stacked up higher, piece by piece
Incessantly their number would increase

Then one day when I turned I couldn't see
My partner who for so long looked back at me

I called over the wall, I could hear a reply
But I couldn't understand though hard I try

I used all my energy, til I had to sit on the floor
With my back to this hard surface with no door

But then this feeling grew inside, I will not quit
For I love them with all my heart, yes every bit

So I got myself a hammer, and tapped at a top brick
And found it could be broken free quite quick

And as I held that brick in hand, admiring what I'd done
I saw my partner was removing one

Together we tapped away, with purpose and with care
It wasn't long before that huge wall wasn't there

So now when bricks appear, we know just what to do
A wall will never stand between me and you

Lips and Straws

This week has certainly turned out to be interesting.

I've fairly rampantly broken the rules I set at the start of the week. I've only slept about 4 hours each of the past 2 nights. I also missed my yoga this morning. And I've ended up posting my blog after midnight every day except Monday. This isn't entirely my fault as I can only post after 2am as that's when my off-peak internet kicks in and I get my internet back (refer to yesterday's rant about Australia's stone age internet plans.)

But despite all this I've written 3 songs in the past 4 days. I guess I should refer back what I wrote previously. It's most important that an artist be flexible and adjust to their circumstances, as long as the steps are being made towards the final goal. And certainly for me, writing 3 songs in 4 days is a record and smashes my "song a week" personal goal.

So have a listen to this new tune. It's light-hearted like yesterdays but I really dig the vibe on this one. I hope you do too.

So shall I go over the usual disclaimers about the poor recording? I think you understand by now that this blog is about creativity, not recording quality. It's also late at night so once again I'm considering the neighbours and not playing or singing loudly, but I think that suits the vibe of this tune anyway.

Also note that I've put a slightly better recording of Morning Memories onto Tuesdays post - http://myfighttowrite.blogspot.com/2010/12/morning-memories.html

As always - please post comments of your thoughts, or if posting comments is an issue for you please feel free to e-mail me at - myfighttowrite@gmail.com

Lips and Straws

Gonna be late for work today

Can’t seem to get me on my way

Coz when I try to think

Everything around me sinks away

Driving along the boulevard

But I don’t seem to be getting far

Coz everywhere I see

This body raising up the beauty bar

Now all I ever see is you

So what the hell am I to do

I’m lost without you

I walk down to the corner store

Thought I had milk but I need more

Coming back I trip

Coz I was dreaming of your lips and straws

I ride my bike down to the beach

Try to think of my friends with two beers each

But soon my mind is drawn

To you - I crash onto lawn as car breaks screech

Now all I ever see is you

So what the hell am I to do

I’m lost without you

No matter how hard I try

I just can’t get you off my mind

But then again I don’t really think I want to

I’m lost without you

My First Night On The Town

Firstly - Australia is stuck in the internet Stone Age. Every other country I’ve been to recently has had unlimited internet with most providers. So as you may know I’m house-sitting for my brother and his wife and I’ve burnt through their 5GB limit in less than 3 weeks without doing any downloading of large files. So now my internet is working at a dismally low speed, when it works at all. This is why I didn’t post my blog earlier. I had to wait until off-peak time when I get back full speed so I could upload. Off-peak time is 2am to 6am. Nice. I’ll continue.

A big focus of mine right now is simply finishing songs no matter what criticism I have of them. I used to throw away songs before they were finished because I would convince myself they were no good. I’ve learnt since that 20 finished songs that are no good is better than no songs as at all, particularly as it’s quite unlikely that all 20 will actually be no good. Probably very few will be no good in truth. It’s all about perception. I think it’s typical to feel very critical of your own writing.

So earlier today I finished this little light-hearted strummy-pop number. Quite likely the most light-hearted song I’ve ever written. I recorded it fairly late so that’s why I’m performing it softly, as a lot of sound gets through to me from the neighbours and I can only presume the reverse occurs.

I’ll include my usual disclaimers about my sub-par performance, the bad recording quality, etc… I know these recordings don’t sound great but this blog is about the process. And this is the process I go through right now.

Remember that you can always e-mail me at myfighttowrite@gmail.com if you have any issue leaving comments or just want to contact me. 

My First Night On The Town

I’ll meet you on the corner

Where we gonna go?

How about some Cha Cha

Soup and enchilada

Rebels of the soul

Guess I’m looking older

Thanks for saying so

Beauty in a green dress

Eyes that leave you helpless

Where’s the bottle opener

It’s my first night on the town

Lucky I’ve got you to show me round

I’ll walk with you to a bar or two

I wish this night would never end

Coz I don’t know if I’ll see you again

But certainly hope I do

How about you?

Another glass or two here

Stripping off the veneer

Wine is gonna flow

Showing me your Chez Jay

Conversation starts to stray

As do our hands and toes

Morning Memories

My second day into my grand plans for the week and I've realised why trying to put constraints and deadlines on your creativity can be so difficult. You can try to be creative for 55 minutes of an allotted hour and then finally get something good happening in the last 5 minutes, at which point you hardly want to walk away from your inspired moment to get on with your day. This is what got me into the habit of doing it at night. I could work until I'd done what I wanted to do and if that meant I got 4 hours sleep or less then so be it.

That's not really a healthy attitude though as more sleep than that is required to function your best. But more than anything when it comes to a music career flexibility and goal adjustment is required along your journey. So I'm not going to be so strict with myself. I've had people telling me "you've got to give yourself a break" for years. It never quite sinks in. It's time it did.

I'm going to try to give myself creative time every morning but if I can't for whatever reason (such as trying to get outdoor work done earlier in the day to avoid too much time in the raging Australian sun) then I will re-adjust my daily plan to put that creative time later in the day. It's seems very ideal to have it in the morning, but one thing that's true about a music career is that nothing is ever ideal (contrary to popular belief). You have to be flexible to keep achieving the required steps to keep you going in your desired direction.

So this morning I started this song idea but didn't get far before I had to get on with my day's plan. I got more done later and have recorded it, in my usual "practice demo" fashion, which I am again going to share despite the dismal performance and recording quality. I'll record it better sometime. I think you'll get the idea and I hope you feel the songs emotion despite the recording's downfalls.

This isn't properly finished. I expect things to be added and the form to be changed a little. But then I'd like to keep this song very simple.


Morning Memories

This double bed wasn’t made for one

But I wake each morning lonely as the sun

I pull my sheets up tight so they match the other side

And remember when that side had to be done

I sit to eat my morning eggs, toast and rum

With the silence round me beating like a drum

I pull my shoes on tight, grab my shades to hide behind

And remember that a new day has begun

But all I want is to see you lying next to me

And all I want is to feel you touch me tenderly

As it used to be

Sleep. I Miss You.

I've made a new commitment this week to a daily plan that involves 3 very important things.

Firstly, that I do at least a short session of yoga first thing in the morning. I could head off on a rant about how important stretching is but I won't. But just let me say that if anyone is reading this thinking "pffft - yoga" then I say don't knock it 'til you try it. I guarantee you'll feel more relaxed, less stressed, more energetic and will have less body pains as a result.

Secondly, that I have a session of being creative (including posting this blog) in the morning each day, as was always the plan, and not late at night when I'm tired.

Thirdly, that I actually get 8 hours sleep every night. I haven't had a week of 8 hours a night sleep since...well...I honestly have no idea. Years ago certainly. I've been pushing ahead on 2 to 6 hours a night for too long. I believe if I manage my time better and get my priorities straight I can get done what must be done but still get to bed at a "decent time" (my usual time often being between 2am and 5am - this is NOT decent) and then get up early and get stuck into my creativity with a fresh mind.

There are some things in life you just plain straight need. Sure, you can go without them. But you know in your heart it isn't right. Sleep is one of those things. Just because you can live without 8 hours a night doesn't mean you should. We'll see how I feel at the end of this week, and how much more effective I'm being thanks to my new daily commitments.


Sleep. I Miss You.

Sleep
Sweet peace
Undress my stress
I miss you

I'm weak
No rest or release
No quiet caress
I need you

I know you're always close
But you're still so far away
And though I need you most
I'm without you every day

Please come to me my love
So we can be as one
As you hold me up above
And soon we'll rest under the sun

Sleep
I hear you speak
Held in hotness, hair a mess
I miss you
I need you

I love you

Enjoying having a piano...

I'm house-sitting for my brother and his wife at the moment and they have a piano. It's a fairly old piano and has a really honky-tonk sound about it. Here is a picture of it. You can't really see in this photo but there are marks on the left and right front panels where there used to be candle holders, as in for back in the days on no electricity. So it must be pretty old.




For those who don't know I learnt piano first when I was very young, taught by my lovely mother, who plays piano/organ. Unfortunately being a massive space cadet as a kid meant that practice just didn't happen. after a year or so Mum told me "if you don't practice then I won't teach you any more" and so lessons ended.

Note to the kids reading - I've since learnt that practice really does make perfect and there's simply no way around that. So it's great to have a piano around to practice on and have fun playing. I've had a piano for times here and there through my life and never ended up making the time to practice enough and get my playing to the level of prowess and fluency I desire. I hope to one day.

I've recorded a very basic piano idea that I'd like to develop into a song. As usual at the moment this is just me a piano and my computer's microphone so the quality is bad and the playing is close behind. I hope you can look past that and enjoy it.

Be Willing To Fall

Fear is a powerful thing. We're lucky we have it. Without it we'd all do some really stupid things.

Just as often though it holds us back from doing something that we fear to fail at. This is a big part of why I do this blog. I fear that I will "fail" as an artist. But when I make it my priority to challenge that fear and work on my writing every day I see that the failure comes in not trying at all. If I try every day and it gives me satisfaction and happiness then I can never fail. I could still choose to walk away from being an artist if this is what I want, but when and if I do it won't be as a failure. It'll simply be the choice I want to make for my life at that time.

Right now, I'm going to make the decision every day to put working on my writing top of my daily priorities, despite the fact that this is so very hard. I won't always write great stuff. But I'll write. It may be a cliché but happiness is a journey not a destination. So live life today. If every day ends happy, or at least most, you can be sure that you will have lived a happy life.


Be Willing To Fall  

Carried away
By what's not gonna change
By what's not on the page
Staring at headlights

Getting ahead
See black or see red
Just follow the thread
And say goodnight

What is more and what is less
Not what you hope but what you stress
So scared to make a little mess

Happiness
Not a scheduled arrival
Not more than survival
Always time to impress

Happiness
Just like it's meant to be
Don't get lost out at sea
Not tied to one address

It's something you own
But not something you hold
It's something that's free
But always in your control
Each moment is gone
So you must live them all
The moment they happen
And be willing to fall

My Magnolia

After listening back to yesterday's recording I can't help but think I may have gone a little far in the process of challenging my fears and maybe made myself look stupid. Or at least look like a terrible singer/guitarist. Oh well. That's the beauty of putting yourself out there. It's done.

Although - I recorded it again tonight and have edited yesterday's post to include the new recording, which is a bit of an improvement on the last. Those who heard the original recording I posted yesterday - that was never supposed to be heard except by me - are the the lucky few (or unlucky few depending on your perspective). I'll probably keep trying to record it again. There's mistakes in the guitar finger-picking but I'm just trying to ignore it and keep practicing. The singer isn't brilliant either but, you know, worse singers have written great songs.

So I did a little photo editing of photos of Magnolia flowers, which I love. Among other things they make me think of spring in London. My first spring in London was a revelation. Having lived my life in a country that doesn't do a lot of the shedding of leaves stuff, and also doesn't get that cold, I hadn't experienced the joy of seeing the first buds on the trees. Then seeing the flowers come out and the green burst all around and you know winter is over. It's an amazing feeling that would make me smile every time I went outside.

Here is the original photo (with just a little colour correction).



Then I did this to it.



I really liked this. It's not a filter. It's my usual colour/curves/contrast adjustments that I like to do. Notice it hasn't effected much of the background. I think it's created a really interesting image.

I'm going to add a short poem continuing the Magnolia theme.

My magnolia tree
It flowers for me
It gives its beauty happily

It notices my stress and concern
And gives flowers to make these things adjourn
But asks for nothing in return

So thank-you flowers
For sharing your powers
Of calming me through stressful hours

I look to you
To see what's true
My happiness bursts forth anew

You're a unique beauty matched by few

Sunset To Sunrise (Completed)

A good friend made a comment on my Facebook link to yesterday's post saying "Remember, nothing good happens after 2am..." and though in some areas of my life my experience forces me to disagree I think yesterday's poem gives credence to that statement.

There are these amazing moments as an artist though (admitted usually before 2am) when something really good happens. You get an idea and the next thing you know a song is finished. When everything flows without too much thought or frustration I find the songs that ensue to be the most satisfying.

It's in this way that I finally got the inspired moment I've been looking for and I wrote the music and the rest of the words for the initial lyrics I wrote back in an early post, "Sunset To Sunrise." - http://myfighttowrite.blogspot.com/2010/10/sunset-to-sunrise.html

The inspiration came off the back of the finger-picking idea that featured in the previous 2 days posts.

I recorded this "practice demo" which is something I usually record to help me learn the song so I can then do a better quality recording to show others. But in the name of letting go of my perfectionism I'm putting this recording that no-one was ever meant to hear on this post. I'm trying to get past all the slurred lyrics, messy guitar playing, poor sound quality, occasional off notes and my general fear of criticism - so I hope you will also look past them. It's just a simple song in my weird C-A-D-G-B-D tuning. Me, a guitar and a my computer's built in microphone.



Here are the lyrics. I hope you enjoy the song despite all the downfalls of this recording.

Sunset To Sunrise

Sunset leads to Ocean
Then on to Montana as we ride
To where our wandering worlds collide

The truth remains unspoken
but quietly sits between us like a ghost
and watches as we both get lost

In this endangered moment
Restraining our surprise
As we stop to see the sparks between our eyes

Sunrise glows around us
And feathers lay upon us as we lie
And feel the doubt between us die

Admiring all that's broken
But we'll never need to mend, the tears we cry
Flow between the kisses and the fire

Burning higher and higher
It seems with every moment
Even if we never really seem to try

Love wakes in me

No words to speak

Eyes capture me

Then set me free

Feeling new emotions

That I once thought I knew but now realise

I’ve been waiting for this all my life

Here in this precious moment

Don’t need to say the words we feel inside

I can see them in your perfect eyes

As we lay face to face

Talking of the many places we

Will see while living happily

Love wakes in me

No words to speak

Eyes capture me

Then set me free

To love endlessly 

Practice Makes Perfect

So it seems my practice yesterday paid off. Here is me playing that finger-picking pattern from yesterday at the full speed I want it at.



Still not perfect but a lot better.

So kiddies - remember that practice really does make perfect. It's not just a boring adage that your parents like to quote.

In truth, practice is what this blog is all about. It's a common fallacy that some people are just great, talented artists, and others aren't. No-one is born walking. Everything is learned. I'm not saying someone may not have a genetic propensity to do something well, but without practice they simply will not get good at it. There is no way around it.

BUT - So often people will try to write a song/paint a picture/write a story and when it doesn't come out sounding/looking like the next big thing they say to themselves (as I still do sometimes) "See, I can't do it" when in truth they just haven't practiced it enough. All good writers I know have been doing it for years. Writing songs well is just as learnt as playing an instrument well or playing a sport well. You work at it and the more you do it the more your confidence builds and you get comfortable with the process, learn new ways and try new things, and generally reduce the conscious thought process and start to make it a natural flowing thing. Like going from thinking about all the steps of driving a car or swinging a golf club, to the point that you don't think about the individual steps anymore, you just think about what you want to do and do it.


This is what I will attempt to do now. An impromptu poem.


The Early Hours

Here we are my friends
Once again
I fight the day's dark end

My eyelids made of lead
Nodding head
Why don't I simply go to bed

I can't continue now
Up and down
Lists laying all around

It's like this every night
Losing sight
This isn't feeling right

I need to get some sleep
In too deep
I should be counting sheep

But I'm not, I'm writing poems
And just wishing I was sleeping soundly
I don't know how to do it
I'm stuck in habits so unholy
I was so sure this would be the night
That I'd get to bed early
So I'm going to end this now
And I'll sleep for 5 hours only

Acoustic Finger-picking Practice

So this is today's post even thought it's going up 10 minutes after my one for yesterday that I didn't post due to embarrassment. It would be easy for me to have the same attitude to this post as the following recording is of me practicing playing an acoustic guitar finger-picking pattern that I wrote. It'll be faster when I get better at it. I wanted to do this very involved finger pattern and, as you can here, am struggling to play it. This is the intro/outro from a new song, a whole recording of which you'll hear soon, when I can play and sing it all.



I've written a number of ideas today now that I have a room with instruments at last. (If you're reading - thanks Caleb and Cath for having me house-sit.) The thing that I've found though is that I seem to be writing things that at the moment require some practice for me to play well. So I don't have decent recordings of my new song ideas yet.

I'll definitely get some posted this week though, after I've worked on them some more. So stay tuned. Which reminds me. The idea above and a lot of what I wrote on guitar today was in that weird tuning I used on a post late last month. C-A-D-G-B-D for any interested parties. I'm liking this tuning at the moment.

Someone's doing it for a job, why not you?

I wrote this post yesterday then decided not to post it at the last minute. I later realised this only proved the exact point I'm trying to make with this post. I was concern people would think I'm stupid and felt embarrassed so I didn't post it.

Well, I'm going to. My mission with this blog is not caring what people think.

So, I'm going to put this out there. I'd love to write the words for cards. All sorts of cards. Valentine's Day, Thank-you's, Birthdays, Anniversaries, Get Well cards, etc... I don't care if people think I'm stupid or don't think I can write well enough, or think getting that sort of work is impossible. You have to be willing to dream.

So here is my original post from yesterday...

I think I mentioned in a previous post that the first thing I ever wanted to be when I grew up was an astronomer. I remember with such clarity being told by an adult (not my parents) that there weren't many jobs in astronomy so I should consider pursuing a different career to help assure I get a job. I must point out that I was all of maybe 6 or 7 years old at this time. Nothing like encouraging kids to follow their dreams, hey? I could've been a great astronomer (wipes a tear and sniffs.)

Further to this whenever someone says something like "How in the world do you get a job as a food critic? I'd love to just eat for a living." I usually reply with "you visualize yourself being a food critic then take whatever little steps you can to head yourself, as best as you can figure, in that direction. If you want it enough you will probably find a way. Someone is doing that job right now!"

One thing I've always wanted is to be able to make some money, even if only minimal money, from my writing, as you see it in this blog. So I'm trying to think of steps I can take to gradually move in that direction. I'm not going to write a novel any time soon so one option I do wonder about is writing greeting cards. Someone is writing these things somewhere, so why not me?

So today I applied this to my writing and here's a few little ideas for cards. I'd love to know your thoughts as to whether you might buy a greeting card that has this written in it . If you can't post comments email me at myfighttowrite@gmail.com

~ Valentine's Day/Anniversary Card ~

I want you like a flower wants a bee.
I need you like a fish needs the sea.
I love you like a man on one knee.
And I'm so very glad you love me.
 (This last line would probably be inside - I must say that I am a little dubious on a card that pronounces how the person you're writing to loves you. That's a little backwards. Let's call it original instead. I like the way it sounds.)

~ General Card (Valentine's, Thanks, Friendship, etc...) ~

You are like water to the seeds in my soul (On the front with appropriate picture or illustration)

(Appropriate line inside depending on card purpose - or blank inside)

~ Missing You Card ~

I miss you like a bird would miss its feathers.(Humorous illustration of a plucked bird trying to fly to no avail)

I'll be flying back to you soon! (Inside)

OK - so I'm obsessed with analogies. Maybe I could do a line of cards that are all based on analogies. Who knows.

I could probably go on all day with different ideas. I still feel a little stupid and embarrassed but I'm trying to not care that I'm expressing a desire to be able to do something that I'm sure endless writers would like to do and probably only a lucky few great writers get to do.

Sometimes you have to be willing to share your dreams, even in the face of ridicule or laughter. Many people have done it in the past and it's often the dreamer who has the last laugh. You need to visualize your dreams and start to work out how you can make this image you dream of become reality. I've done it before and it's worked. I've gotten gigs with bands of guys that I used to watch play years earlier (and visualized playing with) before I even played the instrument that I was ultimately playing in that same band. (Did that make sense?)

I'll let you know when my cards are hitting the shelves. Any ideas on making that day come sooner feel free to share with a comment below or e-mail me at ~ myfighttowrite@gmail.com ~ Anyone who is, or knows of, a good illustrator/artist/photographer who would be interested in working with me on this and illustrated books please get in contact. We'll dream together.

A better live demo...

Back in November I posted a rehearsal recording of The Stuns new song, Mistaken Stranger. We did another recording during our last rehearsal before I left for Perth so I thought I'd upload that one and replace the other so you can here a slightly less sub-par recording. I must say that circumstances considered (it's been done with a handheld recorder in the middle of a rehearsal studio) I'm quite happy with it. We'll have a proper demo done sometime in the coming month or so.

I would love to know what you think. It is little different to what we've been doing previously. If you're not sure what we've done previously go to our website - www.thestuns.com - and buy a hard copy. Or buy a digital copy from iTunes or Amazon, or have a listen on Spotify.

So anyway, please click here, then press play on the mp3 player and have a listen;

http://myfighttowrite.blogspot.com/2010/11/mistaken-stranger-song.html

Someone Else's Shoes

While I'm back in Perth I'm going to have to do "real" work 6 days a week much of the time. This includes days like yesterday when I shoveled around 7 or 8 tons of dirt and jackhammered a massive concrete slab in Perth's summer heat. I'm glad I don't do that for a job.

I was lucky last week to pick up a pair of steel cap boots from my friend Brett, who I've also been working with doing very fancy car detailing - www.sublimedetailing.com.au - cheers mate if you're reading.

So I've quite literally been walking in someone else's shoes when I've been working this past week. And I must say it's given me a new appreciation for my ability to make money playing music. (And it's given me blisters also today.)

So I'm going to write about this today.


Someone Else's Shoes

I remove my shoes
Shiny leather size 10's with a fancy material pattern on them
I put on someone else's shoes
Worn out steel capped Caterpillars boots, cracked in places

I wear these shoes
I do the work they're made to do
9 hours in the sun, working my body til it feels like one big bruise

At the end of the day I slump on a chair and remove those shoes
Dust and dirt falls around, all white and brown
I go to my shower and wash, then dress again
Clean and comfortable, my old shoes back on

I think about all the other pairs of shoes I could walk in
And what those shoes would be covered in when the day ended
Probably worse than dust and dirt in many cases around the world

But my leather shoes are clean and shiny
And in the cupboard are a dozen more the same
So many people only have one
So many more have none
And wish they had one
To protect their feet while they work in the sun

I realise that for most people in the world
A day walking in my shoes would be like a day as a king
The few shoes that I covet are just a small number compared
To all the shoes in the world it would feel like hell to wear

Or to have none at all, not one single pair

Perspective is a powerful thing
My previous feelings of being
Unsatisfied
Frustrated
Despondent
Oppressed
Fall aside and very clearly I see
That I'm very lucky
To wear these shoes and be me

The Purple Flames

At "this" time of year I would normally be very down. Although I've had my flatter days of late it's not been for the usual reasons for this time of year. In fact, this year I feel completely different. I'm not going to explain what I'm talking about. As with yesterday's post, those who know will know and those who don't know don't need to know. I'm writing in retrospect today, after seeing the purple flowers of Jacaranda trees last week and being reminded of what they mean to me, even now, although the feelings attached have changed.


The Purple Flames

Each year it comes around
The Jacaranda trees of green line up the streets
And don their purple gowns

It's meant so many things
To me through many years, so often tears
But now I just reflect on what has been

I stare up at the trees so tall
And as I watch I'm amazed at how the flowers seem as flames
Purple fires I now recall

That day long past but always fresh
When my precious Jacaranda tree began to bleed
As cuts appeared all down its flesh

I'm there again, the blood flows thick
I feel the cuts form in my head, dark stains of red
And to my knees I swiftly sink

Then it leans and branches break
As does my heart with a crushing pain and salty rain
Pours from my eyes to form a lake

Soaked and salty, smelling of my own sick
I can barely pull my head up from the water, almost dead
But though a wish I know the end will not come quick

For as I twist my neck I see that great tree
My greatest dreams and all it means rip at the seams
And then as if the blood were petrol flames appear

They engulf my mangled tree in violent waves
The pain explodes in me to every cell and light the fires of hell
Inside my very bones, but still won't let me to my grave

My eyes are fixed, the image burning like a brand
And in that moment I believe this pain won't end, I'll go insane
And for a while I do, as purple flames consume my land

A sudden flash - I'm here and now
And though I recall that past so real I now no longer feel
That pain or feel that blood drip down my brow

For time has healed all my scorched earth
As I never thought it would or could, I never understood
But now I do, for after fires there comes new birth

I kneel with someone new and plant a little tree
Now small but full of life it feeds upon our ground and we
Will love and care for it with all we are for we believe
That til our dying day it shall always shade us happily

Chez Jay

I don't have much preamble again today. It must be nice to not wade through so much writing hey? I guess I'm just too tired. But I've written a poem. A bit of a story I guess. 

Like I said in my last post, I'll get back to giving you more variety once I have instruments again, from this weekend onwards. I'm really looking forward to freshening things up. 

I won't explain the title. Those who need to know will know. Those who don't know probably don't need to know.

Chez Jay

New York State is under my wheels

But it's the last thing on my mind

Empty road leads off ahead 

My past fades off behind

My burning eyelids start to fall

I know I've lost that fight

I park below a big oak tree 

And think about that night

I long to be where life is now

Where we have all we need

Where we can hit the town and dine

With wine and dance til three

And lay in bed while rain and thunder

Tap and bang their drum

Or talk whole nights away alone

Or walk by sea and sun

I know I have to drive for days

Then start my life again

I know I have to find a way

New beginnings follow ends

So much fills up my mind but here

I rest, I must allow

So I can keep things bright and clear

And not be obsessed with "how"

As I know that everything I need

Is here in this old car

Except for you, but pretty soon

We'll meet at that old bar

At the booth that brought us face to face

And sparks soon lit a fire

I know now as I knew right then

This high will just get higher

A catch up entry...

I missed a day's entry the other day when I crashed out at my computer from lack of sleep so I'm going to add another here. But it's not going to be the usual. I guess this will just make up for my lack of preamble this morning.

So this entry is a catch up. Not just a catch up on my entry count but also a catch up with what's happening for me. I guess I want people to know that I may still be trying to tap into my down moments but when I write posts like "The Me You Once Knew" (http://myfighttowrite.blogspot.com/2010/11/me-you-once-knew.html) it's very much true. I just want to be open with everything on this blog and tap into my happy and sad moments, as life is about both.

So I'm back in my home town of Perth. Here's a couple of old photos. There's now a new skyscraper being built in the middle. I'll try to get some up to date photos while I'm here.





And seeing I want all my blogs to include some creativity here are a couple of colour/curves/contrast edits that I like to do.






I'm back in Perth for the next couple of months, seeing family and friends and earning some cash so I can get myself back to LA. I'll tell you more about Perth over the coming weeks.

I've been posting all poetry and little else of late and this is due to simply not having instruments at hand. From this Friday I'll be house-sitting for my older brother who oh-so-conveniently has a piano and guitars so you can expect that my blog will be turning much more musical from the end of this week onward. I like to keep things interesting and have been concerned that I might be starting to bore you of late.

So new and interesting things will be heading to my blog soon.

Keep posted and I'll keep posting.

Please Say Goodbye

For some reason I don't want to say much today. I just want to write something in this moment. I'm in a dark mood so it'll be heavy.


Please Say Goodbye

Whisper, ears of green
Shout, hours of red
Feel the crumbs lay in our bed

An end that can't be seen
Though it's at arms length
I'm losing all my strength

I've told you many times
You don't hear my goodbyes
You'd rather hear my lies

Steps alone, by your side
This final truth I should confide
This final pill I'm holding tight
I will use it, oh I might

Scratched, another story hatched
I know this isn't me but I
Am lost within the lies, I cry

Known, but not what's shown
All remaining days
Lost until my sanguine stays

I've told you many times
You just ignore my cries
Another light inside me dies

Steps alone, by your side
The final truth I should confide
The final pill I'm holding tight
I will use it, yes tonight
Now I've completely lost my sight

Please say goodbye
Please let me die
Please listen why
Please - I'm sorry I
Could never be that guy

Burning The Candle

Last night my body decided it was time, as happens every now and again, for it to say "sorry - I've had enough." And so I found myself irrevocably asleep at my computer at 9:30pm with a long list of things to do next to me - including this blog. I would wake and try to start working but would be asleep again before my finger hit a key. I fought this battle for nearly 4 hours (bare in mind I fought it asleep most of the time) until I woke up slumped over to my right with my neck in considerable pain and knew I had to give in and go to bed.

Lesson - you can't sleep for between 2 and 4 hours on more nights than not and expect you body not to have anything to say about it.

This poem explains further. See you tomorrow - after 8 hours sleep. I promise (fingers crossed).


Burning The Candle

The candle burns and burns again
Burning wicks at both its ends
Burning 'til it burns my bed
And burns a hole right through my head

And so I lay, nearly dead to feel
As slowly my melted, muddy mind and soul heal
Until I wake aching from foot to head
Wondering how much time I've bled

With effort I will myself up to sit
A tight tangled feeling in the pit
Of my stomach - I don't know how to get
Control of all the thoughts racing through my head

Then within that mess of racing thought
One bright, clear image start to sort
Itself from all the jumbled mess
The love by which I'm humbled and blessed

But which is so far across the sea
In a place I'm not yet permitted to be
I know then what matters most to me
And suddenly my mind is free

It's clear, it knows, it has resolve
On what problem should be first to solve
As this makes all other problems small
A new candle burns, one end is all
That's needed now my eye's on the ball

Endless Desert Sands (Persist and Resist)

I don't believe anyone is happy and positive all the time.

Although I've been posting positive writing a lot of the time on this blog I still struggle every day to stay committed to my art and believe in myself. I'm not sure why I find believing in myself such a struggle. I know I have a lot of reason to believe in myself. But still I find that when people express their belief in me my instinctual reaction is to not believe what they're saying is actually reality or ever going to be.

I've always said I would be honest and open on this blog so that's simply what I'm being now.

I prefer to fill this blog with positivity but it's probably not healthy to deny expressing my doubt and frustration with my belief in myself and my ability to be successful in my creative pursuits. At the end of the day "success" for me is being able to spend the majority of my time being creative and to be able to survive. Right now I'm finding that to be quite a struggle. I'm still very focused and determined to push ahead, but it takes every bit of will that I have to keep positive and find the belief in myself that I need.

So here's something I wrote today which is a bit dark. Hopefully expressing this will help me purge these negative feelings and keep myself on track mentally.


Endless Desert Sands (Persist and Resist)

Endless desert sands stretch out around
The labour of my breath the only sound
A golden plate hangs overhead
My legs are made of lead

I'm pushing on though darkness starts to fall
The blackness builds until I can't go on at all
I kneel amidst the gloom
Obsessed with my impending doom

I fight ahead again the following day
And wonder if I already passed this way
I don't think there's much time
Before the end of this thin line

So many voices say I must persist
That the pressure to give up I must resist
For over that next hill
May be my water well

I know they may be right but no-one knows
When it comes down to it I'm the one exposed
I'm determined not to stop
But I still feel my hopes drop

Lost in thought I stop and stare
At the horizon's blinding glare
I think I see some green
And a flash as metal gleams

I can't be sure but I'll still try to make it there