Endless Desert Sands (Persist and Resist)

I don't believe anyone is happy and positive all the time.

Although I've been posting positive writing a lot of the time on this blog I still struggle every day to stay committed to my art and believe in myself. I'm not sure why I find believing in myself such a struggle. I know I have a lot of reason to believe in myself. But still I find that when people express their belief in me my instinctual reaction is to not believe what they're saying is actually reality or ever going to be.

I've always said I would be honest and open on this blog so that's simply what I'm being now.

I prefer to fill this blog with positivity but it's probably not healthy to deny expressing my doubt and frustration with my belief in myself and my ability to be successful in my creative pursuits. At the end of the day "success" for me is being able to spend the majority of my time being creative and to be able to survive. Right now I'm finding that to be quite a struggle. I'm still very focused and determined to push ahead, but it takes every bit of will that I have to keep positive and find the belief in myself that I need.

So here's something I wrote today which is a bit dark. Hopefully expressing this will help me purge these negative feelings and keep myself on track mentally.


Endless Desert Sands (Persist and Resist)

Endless desert sands stretch out around
The labour of my breath the only sound
A golden plate hangs overhead
My legs are made of lead

I'm pushing on though darkness starts to fall
The blackness builds until I can't go on at all
I kneel amidst the gloom
Obsessed with my impending doom

I fight ahead again the following day
And wonder if I already passed this way
I don't think there's much time
Before the end of this thin line

So many voices say I must persist
That the pressure to give up I must resist
For over that next hill
May be my water well

I know they may be right but no-one knows
When it comes down to it I'm the one exposed
I'm determined not to stop
But I still feel my hopes drop

Lost in thought I stop and stare
At the horizon's blinding glare
I think I see some green
And a flash as metal gleams

I can't be sure but I'll still try to make it there