Sunday, October 31, 2010

Heart & Soul - a short story for Halloween

It's about time I introduced to this blog my first passion next to poetry, and even before I was passionate about music - story writing.

I wrote my first short story when I was in Year 4, so about 8 or 9. As I remember it was about someone trying to escape from an ancient Egyptian-like maze full of traps underneath an old abandoned house. Thrill seeking children get too inquisitive. End up down a trap door. Sands poring from cracks in the roof a room with stone walls and no doors. No hope for escape - until a last minute miracle. Things like that. I was pretty young but that's what I remember of it. Quite clearly funnily enough. I feel like it was a pretty good effort for someone of that age. I may even have a copy in a box somewhere.

Anyway, a short story that sort of fits with Halloween. I feel that I could improve this a lot. Characterising the old man's dialogue more. Giving the whole thing a little more life. But it's hard when you're trying to keep something to 800 words, which is what the mission usually was for short stories when I was studying comprehensive writing about 4 years ago, so I've worked with those constraints here.

I hope you enjoy this nonetheless. It's not meant to be scary. Just a bit of fun.



Heart & Soul
by
Joshua Jones

Nathan strolled around the cemetery’s rusted wire fence, his dog Maggie sniffing a nearby post. The names on the worn headstones meant nothing to him, but he knew they must mean so much to someone.
            Maggie chuffed. To their right a man and his dog were crossing the park surrounding the cemetery. Nathan reconnected Maggie’s lead. The afternoon light was a hazy bronze. The man had short grey hair and the slow stooped gait typical of a tall, elderly man. His scruffy, squat-legged, boggle-eyed dog trotted forward like an overgrown ferret in need of a shower.
            “He just wants to play.” His voice was odd – course, breathy and fragile.
            Nathan shrugged away the shiver that coursed down his spine - old people’s voices sometimes sounded that way, he dismissed.
            “Yeah, she’s the same.” – Nathan cleared his throat – “She loves meeting other dogs.” They watched the dogs introduce themselves with anxious sniffing.
            “What breed is it?” Nathan asked, letting Maggie off her lead. The two dogs sprinted away, revelling in their freedom.   
            “Bitza – you know, bit o’Corgy, bit o’Kelpie.” The man’s smile encouraged Nathan to loosen up. “His name’s Billy,” the man continued, “and I’m Jim.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m Nathan…” – Jim started walking before he’d finished – “…and she’s Maggie.” Nathan withdrew his offered hand with a puzzled expression.
“Yours is the corner house, right? 2 Fifth? We’re behind at 5 Fourth. I’ve seen you here before?”
Nathan eyed the deserted cemetery - not a soul in sight. “I walk her daily, but it’s hard with work.”  
“Yeah, I’m retired but it’s still hard to find time.” They rounded the corner of the fence. “Where do you work?”    
“Well, I’m a musician, but I also work at a nursing home on…”
            “Really?! Doris and I love music. What do you play?”         
“Bass principally, but I started piano when I was six.” The dogs raced past them. “I never wanted to practice, though.” Nathan was surprised by Jim’s enthusiasm. Most elderly people were more interested in his carer work.
            “I learnt piano when I was young, too.” Jim’s pace slowed as he stared, eyes glassy, toward the dwindling sunset. “Never did much with it but I never gave it away either. I just like a tinkle now and then - to brush away the cobwebs.”  
            “I wish I had one at home. I might even buy one this Christmas.” Nathan glanced at the jumble of tilted headstones – like street-weathered eaves-droppers craning to hear.
“You should come and have a look at ours then. My wife’s pretty keen to sell – it doesn’t get played nowadays.” There was a wistful tone to Jim’s peculiar voice.
“Is it an upright?” Nathan enquired, any feelings of uneasiness swept away by a newfound excitement.
“No, it’s an electronic one that feels like a real piano. You know?”
“Sure. What do you want for it?” He tried to sound indifferent.
“Oh…three-hundred bucks I guess…” – Nathan’s eyes lit up – “…for you anyway – she’s got a big heart my wife.”
 “That sounds great! When can I have a look?”
“No better time than now. The sooner the better as far as Doris is concerned.”
“OK, I can get cash from home.” Nathan beamed as they approached the dilapidated cemetery gate.
“If we don’t answer the door just open it and holler. Doris and I are both pretty hard of hearing these days.” They nodded and went in the direction of their homes, dogs in tow.
The sun was set by the time Nathan got to Jim’s and he was surprised to see the house unlit. Jim’s scuffed white trainers were by the door, though, so he knocked firmly.
No sound except the rumble of a truck on the nearby highway. He decided to do as Jim had advised and opened the door.
“Hello?” He called, somewhat gingerly. The silent blackness was imposing. Light came from a single doorway down the hall in front of him. A juvenile fear of dark drew him with urgency to the safety of the lit doorway, supported by the logic that Jim and Doris must be there.
As he turned into the room he jumped in fright. An old lady, Doris he presumed, lay face down on the floor next to the piano, a rag in one hand. He started first aid immediately. Thready pulse. No breathing. But she hadn't been down long. It seemed she may have had an arrhythmia. He could probably save her.
After some CPR her pulse strengthened and breathing returned. He sighed heavily – he should find Jim. Before he could look Doris made a groaning noise as she came to.
Doris, are you all right?”
“What happened? Who are you?” Her voice was a croaked whisper.
“I think you had an arrhythmia. I’m a friend of Jim’s. I came to see your piano but found you passed out on the ground.”
“Yes…the piano.” Doris closed her eyes, with a pained visage. “That explains…the words…I could hear him…” She shook her head a little. Rimmed with tears her eyes opened. “…three hundred dollars. I was actually just cleaning it – thinking about Jim.”
Nathan was a little confused by her words. “Where is Jim? I saw his shoes by the door.”
 “I couldn’t bring myself to move them –” Doris took a deep, shaky breath and squeezed Nathan’s arm with a clammy hand. “Jim passed away last month, dear.”  

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Maybe I should start writing greeting cards...

Seeing I'm in London I decided to go on one of my favourite Saturday outings - the Portobello Road Antique Markets. Here is a photo of one part of this world-renowned road, so entwined with images of china mugs, antique (and not so antique) jewelery, exotic ornaments of disputable value and Hugh Grant colliding into Julia Roberts.

Portobello Road Antique Markets on a Saturday afternoon - 1

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Portobello Road Antique Markets on a Saturday afternoon - 2

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My favourite group of antique jewelery stalls

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Above is my favourite group of antique jewelry stalls. I rarely fail to buy something from there. There are always things available from £5 to £500. The man in the little stall outside on the left is extremely nice and I've bought from him before. If you're there do the same. His prices seem ridiculously cheap to me.

I did buy a number of things today and on my exit from the market this poem just started to come to me without any thought. Before I knew it I was looking at it's completed version. I think if I was to ever apply for a job at Hallmark this would be my application piece. A new career move? What do you think?


All these things that shimmer and shine
Remind me that you're always mine
All these links of precious gold
Remind me that you're mine to hold

All these pearls of glistening white
Mirror your smile's beauty bright
All these stones - red, green and blue
Such special things that make up you

Many nights they've seen in many years
Our pasts - with value weighed in tears
Like monuments they always stay
And our love stands in the same way

Their beauty from the very start
Stands now, reflected in my heart
May these gifts bright reminders be
I'm yours for all eternity

Friday, October 29, 2010

Mistaken Stranger

One of my current goals for my lyric writing is to write more about things other than my own personal experiences. More observation and comment. Trying to put myself in the shoes of others. Have something to say about the world. All the writers I respect do this well. Looking at the content of The Stuns' first album I can't help but feel a little narcissistic. In my defense though, I've had a lot of emotional experiences in my life that I've needed to write about. Now that a lot of that's dealt with I'm looking outward more.

So here is something written about someone else.

I will just add here before I continue that I've had a number of people tell me that they want to leave comments but can't for whatever reason, in some cases because they don't have a gmail account. So I've created an e-mail account which people can send me mail to if they so desire. I've made it obvious...

myfighttowrite@gmail.com

Please feel free to send me mail. Any comments or questions at all are more than welcome.

So back to the lyrics...


Mistaken Stranger

The midday sun
Setting before the day's begun
She looks up
From the dirt she's searching through

Pink nails are red
Black eyes sunk into into her head
Skin like ashes
Painted over long lost youth

10 years flicker past
Red rimmed eyelids, quite contrasting times
To when our minds longed for the truth

When did this reflex take over
I'm mine no longer
When did disrespect get bolder
I'm mine no longer
When did this direction wander
I'm mine no longer
When did this reflection turn into
This mistaken stranger

She's got no-one
All that matters to her is in her blood
That blood she shares
With life innocent and unaware of

This itch inside
That one scratch or ten cannot subside
Will see her
All alone before her time

When did this reflex take over
I'm mine no longer
When did disrespect get bolder
I'm mine no longer
When did this direction wander
I'm mine no longer
When did this reflection turn into
This mistaken stranger


I have more to write for that (and probably a lot to edit out) but that's what I have right now. See you tomorrow...

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Reign This Horse In

Today I've been specifically working on lyrics ideas. I'm not sure why this should be any different to just writing poetry but it is for me. I'm trying to capture the serious rock vibe of The Stuns while finding more positivity, as there was a lot of negativity on the last album that doesn't always reflect my current attitudes. The Stuns album's second track "Beyond My Reach" contains feelings that have now transformed into what you read in the last stanza below. It wasn't intentional (I used the word "reach") but I realised this demonstrates the change in my attitude; no procrastinating; doing the best with the tools you have today, knowing better tools will arrive tomorrow. (Paraphrase from a Napoleon Hill quote - http://quotations.about.com/cs/inspirationquotes/a/Effort8.htm)

Here's the lyrics/poem I'm referring to. Maybe it'll go with the swung idea I posted - http://myfighttowrite.blogspot.com/2010/10/stuns-get-it-swung.html - or one of the other grooves we toyed with in the last rehearsal. We'll see after tomorrows session.


Reign This Horse In

Got to let go
Got to say no
Got to take hold
Never grow old

Lift yourself up
No more break-ups
Or silver touch-ups
Just take the stirrups

And reign this horse in
Don't let him win
You've got two hands so use them
It's yours if you'll just do something

Ghosts are lurking
Drugs aren't working
Words are hurting
You're losing grip

Hope won't save you
Love won't change you
Just look in you
To find the truth

Keep believing
Keep on screaming
At whoever's listening
Even if it's just you

Whatever is in your reach today
Is all you need, if you'll just take
The time right now and not delay
Tomorrow grows into what you make

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

More Stuns photo fun...

People seemed to really like the edits I did for the photos of The Stuns at the Viper Room. So here are some I've done from last night's gig at the O2 Academy Islington.

As the quality of the original shots wasn't as good in this case (they were taken on my little compact camera) the outcomes aren't as bold. But I tried a few new things as a result. My creativity was probably challenged more because of the poor image quality.

I'm referring to the photo capture quality, not the composition. Thanks Lauren Blue and Valentina Panezzi for getting such great shots for us! (I think Lauren may have taken most of them - but either way. Thanks to both of you!)

As previously, please post comments on your favourites.

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Monday, October 25, 2010

The Stuns get it swung...

I'm pretty sure that in the process of my flight to London from LA and all the craziness that surrounded it I ended up a day behind with posts, despite my extra Saturday catch up post. So I'm going to get caught up by posting a second today.

The Stuns rehearsed today for our O2 Academy Islington show tomorrow night but while we were at it we had a hit through a few new ideas. Some good stuff came from it. I'm sure you'll hear more soon. Although I won't be able to reveal all. I've got to keep a little suspense and mystery surrounding our next release. We're planning to try some new material out at upcoming gigs though. So get to them for an exclusive.

Here is The Stuns' first swung groove idea. I've been wanting us to have a swung groove in our rep for a while so I'm looking forward to seeing what this idea develops into. Right now it's just a very raw groove idea. I hope you enjoy this little sneak peek though.

9am Sun At 11

I've changed the title of this to "8am Sun At 11" as after walking around gloomy London some more I decided 9am was just too lenient. The sun doesn't seem to get much more than a meter above the horizon in winter here. And it's not even actually winter yet!

So this was the original blog - read on...

After yesterday's rant you deserve a more concise entry. So here it is.


8am Sun At 11

The dull haze of 8am sun
At eleven
You'd think the day had just begun
Watch broken

It seems, this place is like none
Other known
Then heavy load laden you run
Drop your phone

Red bus route 73
Through Church Road
Newington and Cannonbury
Euro mode

The next stop is Islington Green
Alight here
For the Island Queen
And beer

And wine, and roasts, and cheese
Friendly cheer
Conversations that flow on with ease
Hold me near

Then return to your ragged road
Rattles, rough
And head on with your heavy load
Light enough

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Return To London

I flew in over London when landing on Friday and got to witness this amazing view. I thought I'd share my photos as it's not often you get to see this incredible city from this angle.


The Isle Of Dogs/Canary Wharf
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London Borough/Tower Bridge/Tower of London/Gherkin
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The Whole of Central London
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St. Paul's/Millennium Footbridge/Bank/Globe (on the right somewhere)
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The London Eye/Waterloo/Embankment
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The London Eye/Westminster Abbey/Houses of Parliament
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Westminster & Chelsea through to London Borough
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Hyde Park/Regent's Park/Mayfair
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Wembley Stadium & The North West of London
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So I'm back in London. But it feels different this time. Whereas I previously felt this strong desire to work out how I could stay longer, I now have the option of staying longer but am choosing not to. It's nice to feel like you're making the choices rather than them being made for you.

Funnily, this choice - and the series of choices leading to it - have been the result of something that wasn't my choice, which seemed extremely negative at the time, namely my UK entry refusal in late July. After my refusal I remember one of the guys that was looking after me between interrogations saying "There's probably a really good reason this is happening. You'll find it will all work out for the best." To which I thought something like "You're an idealistic fool. This situation is the worst thing that could happen to me."

But I was the fool to think that. Once I got over the initial shock I started making the hard choices for my life. Choices that would keep my life going in the direction I wanted it to. And now I'm more happy than I've been for many many years - much more happy than I expect I would've been had I not been refused entry. Isn't it ironic? (And not in an Alanis Morissette way. The real meaning - or at least I think so...)

I guess I took the guy's comment to mean "Just forget about. Everything will be just fine." That's too simplistic for me. I now take it to mean "I will be strong with my decisions, to keep making the best of my life - every single day - no matter what obstacles gets thrown at me." It's positivity, but not through just sitting back and hoping everything will work out. It's positivity through determination, strong decisions and action.

These are probably the hardest things in life I believe. Getting up when you get kicked down (even if it's the third, seventh or twentieth time you've been kicked down). Having the strength of character to make the decision you know is right, no matter how difficult. And taking action every day, not just talking about taking action.

You know what - I was going to write a poem about London today but I'm not going to.

Consider today's creativity the prose you're wading through. (Thanks for getting this far!) I hope it helps you next time your life throws you a curve-ball and everything you've been planning for gets pulled out from underneath you. Believe that life always works out well for those who think positively, act positively and remain flexible but determined. I believe my happiness today despite my experiences (I can tell some stories, believe me) is testament to that.

We are always in control. Even if things don't always go to plan. If you're not happy with your life take control of what's holding you back and make the changes that need to be made. Make the big choices. The toughest choices. Don't avoid them. And commit to making the best of the choices you make.

Most decisions can be considered good or bad given a certain perspective so choose the perspective of seeing your decisions as good. Initial consequences may be bad but good can come from bad consequences.

Dream. Act. Grow. 

Live.


End of motivational speech.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Darkness Is Defeated

One habit I can’t seem to shake, even when I’m dog-tired, is the desire to watch movies when flying. It's one of the few times I actually get the time to watch movies. I slept for a couple of hours on my flight to Chicago from LA (following 3 hours sleep Wednesday night) because there was no movie showing (and because neither pen and paper, or a book, could engage me enough to keep my eyes open). When I got on my 777 to London I finished writing out my blog for Thursday and then managed to stay awake through one and a half movies before deciding to take advantage of having an empty seat next to me.

As I pulled my pillow and blanket from their plastic wrapping this is the view I noticed out my window.

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I always find sunrise to be an ethereal and moving event. The end of the darkness. The beginning of a new day. When I’m on a plane, which usually means I’m alone and heading somewhere new, the depth of the moment is even more so.

I felt inspired to to try and capture the moment in verse.


The Darkness Is Defeated

With the faintest glow of brilliant blue
The blackened sky is torn in two
And gradually this black we knew
Is disappearing

The darkness is defeated while
I watch from my seat in the sky
Hopes are born as rising fires
Grow never-ending

This moment captured in mind and lens
Emancipation as this battle ends
The freedom to begin again
Is over-taking

The sullen black, the dark, the dirt
The loss, the negative self-hurt
From voices in the blackness heard
Are withdrawing

Mirrored in this growing glow
My passion wells up from below
And through my veins new fires flow
No more debating
No more deflating
Just more creating

You Are Always There For Me

I think many of you will know that I left LA for London on Thursday. I've sat down to write my blog on a number of occasions and have fallen asleep trying to write every time. So what follows is my post for Thursday 21st of October. Done, at least partially, while I was waiting in the airport lounge. I'll do the post for Friday after this. Then today's, and we'll be back on track. So read on...


A somewhat less attractive and much less successful-looking version of Richard Branson sits across from me in the airport lounge. He’s talking to his mother on the phone. He’s not shouting but is talking loud enough that I’m eaves dropping whether I like it or not. Before long I know that his relationship with his Mum has been very strained over the years, but they’ve worked on it and are now fairly close. I also find out that he has children of his own, 35 years and 33 years, Kerry and Daniel respectively. He’s split with their mother and talks with reverie of when the kids were young and the family was close. Neither of the children answer his calls. They don’t want to reconcile their relationship with their Dad the way he obviously did with his Mum. Not at the moment anyway.  

As he continues on about the issues with his family, I realise that I’m one of the luckiest people in the world. I have the most incredible friends and family. The idea of not knowing that I’m loved by friends and every member of my family, completely and unconditionally, is something alien to me – and will be now and always.

So this is for my amazing family and friends.

You Are Always There For Me

When a wild wind blows
And I need a place to hide away
You are always there for me

When the cold of ice and snow
Chills my bones and blocks my way
You are always there for me

When the storm clouds’ shadow
Darkens every hour of every day
You are always there for me

You help the light inside me glow
To light the path I choose to take

Walk beside me when I feel alone
Draw lustrous colour landscapes onto pages grey

You are the one thing that I’ll always know
Is there, and no matter what will stay

You are always there for me
So may I always be
All of this for thee

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Two Dozen Duck Eggs

The only creative thing I've spent time doing today is recording with my brother Luke for his band's demo. As it's not finished I really have nothing to show you for my efforts today. I feel I need to give you something though so here's some completely impromptu verse. Here goes...

Two Dozen Duck Eggs

I was given two dozen duck eggs today
But before I could eat any eight went astray
While I was asleep trying hard to find rest
Some creature was eating them straight from my nest

Busy was my morning, as often I find
And at lunch time I counted my eggs but it seemed that behind
Me I'd left four more, lost on my way
To where I had got to, just living my day

So on I continued, having much left to do
Before my chance to eat these duck eggs would ensue
And I'm really not sure how it then came to be
But somehow six eggs disappeared silently

So now six were left and I cradled them close
As a worked my way back home for duck eggs on toast
But when I arrived it shocked me to see
That along the way I had lost another three

Without hesitation I took two and prepared
The meal for which these few duck eggs had been spared
It seemed clear the last egg wouldn't see morning's light
So smiling wide I splatted it with all of my might

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Paris, My Love

I've traveled quite a bit - something for which I feel very thankful. I've seen so many amazing things and heard so many amazing stories of this world's history. I actually wish I had've blogged all my travel experiences as there's so much I've forgotten.

I very much revere some songwriter's ability to paint a vivid and interesting picture of a city, or a story, or of a person, or all the above together. I recently spent 3 weeks in Paris staying with my friend Allison Newman (if you're reading Alli - again, thanks so much for having me) and today I've tried to paint a picture of the town, based around my many experiences there.

Paris, My Love

Ushered by the will of some almighty hand
I walk with the green and bronze busts of Rodin
Many eyes watch me lie but they make no demand

Peeking out above the old buildings I find
Our father watching over us, stoic but kind
But now we must choose the right colour of line

Doors open, doors close, loud boys now distract
Amuse, annoy, plastic cup props in the act
Leaving silence, and an old man with contempt still intact

Tight jeans to be followed, or flowing fancy dress
Soon find you on a path of continued digress
But in Paris, my love, there's no need for duress.

When our father can't see then Our Lady we pass
And make our way winding to Montmartre's paths
Tie a finger, cut a face, stroke the feet of Degas

Le bois d'amour, but much more than you expect
Rolling past pleasant children, find a place to reflect
And watch history pass by like a wall bound insect

So pungent a smell could so many things be
While soon father lights himself up like a tree
For so many this is all that they've come here to see

But next time, dear Paris, I'll lay my love down with thee

Photo editing fun...

Today will be even more concise than yesterday. Particularly as I'm not using any words with my creativity today.

The extremely brilliant and generous Jason Buehler took photos of The Stuns Viper Room gig last Sunday. Today I've taken a little time out to do something that I like to play around with from time to time - colour/contrast/curves editing on photos. I restrict my editing to these as I feel the limitations actually force more creativity with less thought.

Let me know your favourites please! Thanks again to my Blog Mama Janice MacLeod (http://aftertheartistsway.blogspot.com) for connecting Jason and The Stuns so these photos could happen.

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Monday, October 18, 2010

Just a few words...

I don't have a reputation for being concise and so far my blog is proving why. I haven't had a lot of time for creativity today though so I thought it was about time I challenged the trend.

I've been thinking about how much has changed for me since my last cold winter in London. So here are a few words and a line with each to capture some of what I was feeling over that time.


Cold
Warmer than usual
Truth be told

Lost
But happy to walk
Further than most

Tired
With sleep or without
Dying but inspired

Low
Rarely justified
Ashes still glow

Mean
A question - a world
And all that's inbetween


So it ended up being two lines after each word, not one. I'll have to keep working on being concise. What's scary is I've been working really hard at it for a while now.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Touch Of Paradise

There's many good reasons why I've spent a lot of my music career playing covers. Money is one of course. But it's not actually the main reason. I get so much out of working out a song I love and playing it, just me and a guitar. Really connecting with the lyric and what the song means for me. It's something I truly enjoy about playing music.

My issue with this is that I feel all my time spent covering hasn't helped me develop myself as an artist. I'm a perfectionist you see. So my mission has always been to do everything as much like the original artist as possible. An admirable quality I guess. It's kept me busy as a cover performer. But not so admirable if you want to be a recognised artist in your own right.

I'm not going to stop doing something I enjoy so much though, just so I can feel like I'm avoiding sounding like other artists. All good artists are clearly influenced by someone after all. So a new creative mission of mine is working on finding myself, something truly identifiable as me, inside of other artists songs.

I recorded the following song today with the above mission in mind but don't know that I particularly succeeded to make it my own. I'm still stuck in my ways and unsure what is really identifiable about me. I'll come back to it though and try and find new ways to make it my own. Have a listen and please do comment on what you think is very "me" about this recording. Smart-asses please refrain from saying "the bad guitar playing".

And please note that as I'm without an XLR lead today so this was recorded using my computer microphone, in all its automatic compression and 96kb glory. I'll say again - this blog is about breaking my perfectionist ways, not encouraging them. I hope the sound is bearable though. No EQ, no effects. Just me and a guitar (and a shit microphone).

Friday, October 15, 2010

Please Don't Go

I want to keep challenging myself to do different things with this blog as that's part of the creative process I believe. So today I'm going to turn the images and feelings I get from the song "Please Don't Go", by a Seattle band called Barcelona, into a poem of my own.

I've been feeling a very deep emotional feeling today and the song previously mentioned, playing in the below YouTube video, captures that mood for me. This video is how I was introduced to the song and it really touched me from that first listen. So much so I googled lyrics and found out the title so I could buy their album.

So watch the video if you have time...



Then read my poem, maybe while listening to the song again. I've tried to be completely spontaneous and not "think" about what I was writing too much. I'm not trying to re-tell their story, but rather tell the story that the emotion and images they created now create in me, in this moment.



Please Don't Go 

Two girls running, smelling wildflowers
Giggling with abandon while hiding behind towers
Topped with mottled red, brown and orange
In fields of lush green where nothing is strange
Or foreign, or scary, or in any way lonely or sad

Her eyes so brilliant green but hugged by red web
Open to her dim lamp and the dull ache in her head
Knocks repeatedly, the only visitor she gets
"So alone" is the only thought or feeling she can express
The girls, the flowers, slip through the fingers of her shaking hands

The usual memories resume of the love she once knew
But that's gone, along with every year that she grew
And changed and did all that she could to hold on
To this story that she always hoped would become a song
Sung by those happy birds of the forest and green lands

That she reaches again for the sweet memory of, to return
To that moment that deep inside she so yearns
For and wishes for an end to this feeling inside
That tight pain, as her heart's crushed - the heart of bride
Not to be, now or ever, and not a soul understands

So many times she'd begged him to stay
To fight with her, try with her, look for a way
That this precious love could be saved from it's death
But which now she must feel, so real, with every breath
That slowly slips from her trembling wet lips into her hands

Hope is gone, absorbed into tissues and thrown away
No more need for empty prayers to a God far away
Like everyone else, nowhere near her black planet prison
She searches alone in the merciless wind for the broken
Pieces of her former-self that had skipped happily on beach sand

As she stares at the shadows on her room's roof
The darkness she feels starts to overwhelm any belief
She once had that life is always worth living
'Til not a thought is left, not one flame, that disagrees with her feeling
It is time for the only solution - and it lays in the palm of her hand

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Acoustic back in hand...

On more than a few occasions I've told myself I'd be a good proof-reader. So far this blog has shown me I have a long way to go before this is the case as a few more typos have been brought to my attention. I'm just going to ignore them though and work harder in that area. But note that if you see the word "in" but it seems like "it" would work better, or "our" where "out" seems more appropriate, it's probably a spelling error.

A big thanks to Janice MacLeod (my Blog Mama) for creating my new blog header picture using a photo she took at The Stuns' Viper Room gig. You can see more of the great photos she took at our gig at her blog - http://aftertheartistsway.blogspot.com  - Monday 11th October entry.

Also, if you can't get any of the videos or mp3 players in my blog to work you're probably using Internet Explorer. (No Mum - I have not yet managed to develop HTML code that knows if you specifically are trying to access my YouTube videos and can then block you from watching them. I'm more than happy for you to see the video I made in Vegas.) These days Internet Explorer is like the girlfriend you've gotten used to and don't realise how much she's making your life difficult (replace "girlfriend" with "boyfriend" as required) and I have to say - it's time to move on! Install Google Chrome (my current internet partner) or Firefox, or really anything but Internet Explorer and I expect you'll no longer have the problem anymore. It may be a little weird at first, and some people may even shed a tear over having to say goodbye to IE, but all the little issues that used to crop up will soon disappear and you'll be happier for it (I think the former analogy holds).

So - to some actual creativity. I have to confess that I censored my blog for the first time today. I wrote a poem this morning and was going to put it in this entry but it's been put in the "I don't want to share that right now" pile. If begged I may concede but for now today's poem remains in my little writing book.

Instead I will give you a snippet of some development on the guitar idea from my 6th Oct post "It's raining in LA" with the plan that it may go with my poem/lyrics "Sunset To Sunrise" (7th Oct post). More to come on that...



I'll add here that I'm not being precious about what I put on this blog as the point is creativity not perfection. So I ask for some leniency with the bad playing on this and any other recording I post on my blog.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Getting Creative On The Kit

3 years or so ago I was lucky enough to have created a situation where I had a room in my house just for my instruments and recording gear, which included a drum kit that was always set up and ready to play. I did use it but nowhere near as much as I should have and always look back at how damn lucky I was at that time, having a great room to work in, and how much I wasted that opportunity. I will not take the situation for granted a second time if the opportunity comes along.

One thing I very, very occasionally did was record myself playing around with different grooves.

Last night my brother Luke and I were recording the drummer from his band, Bruce, for a demo for Luke's band. At the end of the session I took 20 minutes or so to relive this experience that I so much took for granted and just loved it. I may not be a good drummer but I really enjoyed just having some fun on the kit. This 5 minutes of audio is a very quick edit of the different ideas I played through. Maybe some of them will inspire songs. Who knows...

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Feel The Beating

Since the Viper Room gig I've been reflecting on my willingness - no, I should say inherent disposition - to connect with all my worst pains and experiences when performing on stage (I say worst in this case just due to the nature of the content of The Stuns' album - Life After The Black Box). Even when I'm not playing my own songs (but definitely even more so when I am) I always feel every phrase I sing very deeply within myself and sometimes wonder if this results in a connection with people, with them feeling the emotion I'm feeling, or actually making them uncomfortable with the intensity. I guess it depends on the person.

Here's an impromptu poem on the subject. Later in the week I'll get some song writing back onto this blog...

Feel The Beating

Dig in deep
Find your heart - the beat
Put it on your sleeve
Feel the hurt repeat

Moments gone
From which you've moved on
You now retrieve
And put into a song

Eyes like fire
Pain, love and desire
Have you on your knees
And this moment devour

Here's the end
Heart's intact and returned
All those ghosts you release
Make it harder to stand

Lights now fade
And the pain's gone away
Calm catharsis received
'Til you're next on the stage


I'm not entirely sure why I didn't write that in first person, but as if I was talking about someone else. That's just how it came out. Until tomorrow...

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Power of One (Solitary Letter "T")

Note to self - 3am is no time to post a blog. Particularly after a hard night of performing and partying. I thought I was thorough with my proof-reading but didn't realise that not only had I written in a random back-slash in a space line but, more importantly, I had left a seemingly innocuous "t" off after "I" at the start of my second sentence. 

This is a true testament to the value of thorough proof reading, as that one innocuous letter has the power to entirely change not only the meaning of the sentence but people's entire perception of me.

So - as you may have gathered if you read my last post I had meant to write "It was absolutely awesome!" I've been trying hard to be more of an arrogant rock star of late but I'm not yet to the point of blatant pontification about my ability to perform.

Given this circumstance I want us all to take a moment to reflect on how easy mistakes can be made and how we should put them in past and move forward, knowing they happen to everyone. 




The Power of One (Solitary Letter "T")


The power of one solitary "T"
Your absence makes an ass of me
So easily your absence goes
Unnoticed,  like an insects toes


Without you though I am now seen
As having a brain much like a bean
Inside a head that so expands
To make that bean a grain of sand


So now I dig out of this hole
I'm not the type to self-extol
One solitary oversight
I shouldn't write blogs late at night


I promise "T" to take more time
To check you're where Tees' purpose shine
And leave this moment in the past
By not proof-reading things so fast




So - I hope my reputation as an overly self-critical, occasionally self-hating, generally humble (but certainly not always), and somewhat anal/perfectionist type of person (despite occasional proof-reading errors) has been restored.  



The Viper Room

It's nearely 3am and I just got back from my Viper Room gig tonight. I was absolutely awesome! Before I went on I wrote this.

The Viper
Got to like her
Now a stranger
Soon a memory maker

Get inside her
Got your vibe on
Now a hoper
Soon an LA rocker

Hit the stage
Got a new page
Now we're raging
Hair needs rearranging
 \
Who is coming
Guitar strumming
Now or nothing
Hear me roar - I'm something

Just tonight
Got burning bright
If now you love her
It will never be over

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Las Vegas defined in 5 minutes

For the first time I'm throwing my hand at the art form of film.

I'm going to ignore the "What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas" saying and post a little movie I've made in Vegas last night. My plan was to try to capture images that I feel define Las Vegas in all its glamour and gore then edit it down to 5 minutes. This is what I managed.

Part of the point of this blog is me letting go of any concern for people's opinions of me so I feel I should add a warning to this. I've edited out some things but this video still contains many of things you'd expect from a boys night out in Vegas. If you're easily offended, or want to believe I'm an angel, then you may choose to not watch this video. But I'm putting it all our there. I hope you get some enjoyment from it.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Asleep At The Wheel

Day 4 and I can really see how massive a challenge this is going to be. But a good one.

I drove to Las Vegas with my band, The Stuns, and our friend Simon yesterday. I did nothing but rush around, drive a car, or explore Vegas after yesterday's post. So when I got back to my hotel room late last night I knew I had to commit to some creative time. I started writing this poem, Asleep At The Wheel, and ironically was soon doing so in a metaphorical sense and had to finish it after I woke this morning.

Asleep At The Wheel

Rolling by the white lines
Metal flying at many times
The speed that it's allowed to go
Determined to devour the road
Before me at a record pace
Even though I know it's not a race
The only thought is destination
"Now" gets no consideration
Except if there's a need for gas
Or a turn to assure the shortest path
But inevitably the mind goes numb
Eyelids heavy in the sun
Or headlights' tunnel vision glow
You fight it but quite soon you know
You're walking down that thin white line
Yet still determination climbs
Above the thought of reason true
Not wanting to admit that you
Can't win this ever dangerous fight
Though you still tell yourself you might
The truth remains that you can't win
And the price of loss now hovering
In the back of your dull mind
Is witness to the floating line
Even though you're not aware at all
As silently the eyelids fall...

It's OK. I made it to Vegas. As I did to and from San Francisco last week. But sometimes I wonder how. And realise that I'm too willing to walk that line because I'm in too much of a rush to reach my destination, and - against all logical reason I might add - so desperately don't want to stop. How does the adage go? "Better alive than never." I don't remember but from now on I'm going to be more committed to enjoying the journey than being so focused on the destination. In my general day to day life as well as my driving habits.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Sunset to Sunrise

After my rain accompanied session of folk guitar ideas yesterday I got inspired with some lyrics. I say lyrics because I know this will be a song. Unlike my post Tuesday which I know will probably remain a poem. I haven't finished the lyrics but want to work on the music more before I finish it off as the music may lead me somewhere. I've just used a working title for now...

Sunset to Sunrise


Sunset leads to Ocean
Then on to Montana as we ride
To where our wandering worlds collide

The truth remains unspoken
but quietly sits between us like a ghost
and watches as we both get lost

In this endangered moment
Restraining our surprise
As we stop to see the sparks between our eyes

Sunrise glows around us
And feathers lay upon us as we lie
And feel the doubt between us die

Admiring all that's broken
But we'll never need to mend, the tears we cry
Flow between the kisses and the fire

Burning higher and higher
It seems with every moment
Even if we never really seem to try

...so there's more to come on that. I'm heading to Las Vegas with my band, The Stuns, for the next few days so I won't get to record any of my song ideas for this tune until next week probably. I'll still be posting something though - accountability. But I'm looking forward to posting more development on this idea very soon.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

It's raining in LA...

I've always loved listening to the sound of rain on the roof, particular when I can do so from the comfort of a bed, which I did do for a little while this morning. It's a particularly novel experience right now as it very rarely rains in LA. And when I was in London it seemed like although it rained often it was never heavy enough to give you that comforting rain-on-the-roof sound. I recorded a little this morning, just with the memo recorder on my computer. In hindsight I could've recorded it at higher quality. But it's still nice to listen to. I think the bird chirping is a nice touch...


This was the sort of mood I needed to play with some folk guitar ideas. Although the comment I make in The Stuns Interview Video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a5VpCVezL4 (at around 4mins 55secs) about making a folk album next was tongue in cheek at the time it is something I plan to do for myself over the coming year. I need to work on my folk guitar chops though. I didn't have an acoustic today, just an electric, but I recorded a bunch of ideas anyway. This was the one I liked the most. Notice the rain in the background...


Very rough indeed but I'll work on the idea and my playing. At this stage I had changed my tuning a little by tuning down the G String to F# as per the Bon Iver track "re: stacks" which I recently worked out. His music is a big part of my inspiration for wanting to record a folk album. Check him out if you haven't already. It's amazing.

If any of the mp3 players above don't work for you install Google Chrome and open then with that.

The rain's stopped now. There's no sound but the faint roar of jet engines in the distance. I might leave my rain on the roof recording playing on repeat...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

It Starts Now...

I've been discovering a simple truth for myself. If you want to "be" something then you simply need to do it. If are doing it you every day you will be it.

I'm a professional musician and all I've always wanted to be is an artist - someone who creates - and I guess I am (my band The Stuns has an album out - www.thestuns.com) but I've always had excuses for not making writing my priority. Money usually. "When I have $XXX I will be able to be an artist". Baa booow.... fail. If I want to be an artist I simply have to write, to create, to express, and as long as I do this then I've succeeded. You know, the old "journey not destination" adage.

I thought of doing this blog from New Year's Day this year but didn't think anyone would read it, or worse, may actually read it and I'd be there on display. My juvenile skills as a writer. My personal thoughts and feelings. And I didn't want to fail at it. So I didn't do it. (I now realise this thought process is "How To Be A Failure 101")

I met a new friend the other night (aftertheartistsway.blogspot.com) and was inspired with the idea again and found myself saying "I'll do it from next New Year's", then realised that I was still making excuses. The time to take action - to start living - is today. This podcast by a friend of mine has also been an inspiration - www.songsfromthehowlingsea.com - and I recommend it to all those who love interesting history and great music.

So here we are. I'm now accountable to this blog and anyone who reads it. Every day I will put on this blog an entry of something creative I've done in the past 24 hours, no matter what I think of it. Maybe a song idea, maybe just poetry/lyrics, maybe a short story or a drawing, who knows. Just something to show that I've been an artist today - that I am an artist, with no consideration to what's "good" or even "finished", just what expresses "me". It will be an account of a creative process - my process - whatever that may be. Life is in the doing not in the talking about doing.

So on that note...

...my very first actual post... (yeah, I'm a bit nervous)

I think the weirdest thing for many who read this blog will be seeing a side of me they didn't know, and maybe even didn't want to know. I've never read anyone my poetry. I've always been very private about it and am pretty scared to do it now. But well...f#@k it. I'm more interested in being honest and creative than trying to protect some idea of what people may think is me.

With much reticence I did a video of me reading this poem. I just wanted there to be a record of how I hear the poem read. I made a few mistakes but wasn't going to do it twice.


The Sea’s Relentless Sound

The sun went down for the winter
The sounds of birds did slowly fade away

Darkness dripped through every pore
As I held her body washed up on the shore
So damp and so cold
I laid her down and made from her a mould
To hold til I was old

I dressed her up in familiar gowns and
Pretty frocks that never fade away

And as the snow blew in
I wrapped her plastic body in
My alabaster skin
And bones were left
Lost in ice and wind

Years with no Summer
Or Spring
Not even Autumn colour
Passed without a breath
Or sign of life to coldly trade away


One day I walked back to the surf-whipped rocks
And looked for the horizon that should never fade away

But it was lost to all around
Except the winged that never touch the ground
The sea's relentless sound

Now

The only thing I knew was real
I longed for such a feeling
Of peace that would never fade away

So I held my precious moulded girl close and
Jumped in, as she had before me, in the sea so alive but so frozen

I choked upon the sea's black ink
And soon we sank but as we did
I felt a light inside me flicker

And I knew today was not the day 
I would let myself fade away

Grip loosened slowly
I let my moulded girl go
And on she sank away with so
Much speed, yet somehow slow 

Then I began to notice
The sun's rays cutting through the murky haze of sea and thought
I was rising like a bright white float

Free of my anchor’s weight
I felt the wild seas whip my face
And old air in my lungs replaced

This moment lived can never fade away